Report: Guy on social media is running circles around you

GLOBAL—A new report released today confirms what you’ve always feared—that the guy on social media is totally kicking your butt.

The report found that while you were busy sleeping, this guy had already flipped three houses, closed two sponsorship deals, jogged 27 miles, fortified himself with four pounds of raw steak and a glass of goat's milk, and launched a new line of apparel—and that was all before 7 a.m.

Meanwhile, according to the same report, you hit snooze three times before finally fumbling out of bed and somehow managed to find a clean pair of socks.

The report went on to mention that your time management skills are nonexistent, you don't even own a multi-million-dollar business, and you eat way too many processed foods. Like, way, way too many.

The report concluded that there’s only one way out of this mess: drop everything and binge-watch the influencer guy's videos immediately.